The Devil’s Bible, Part II.

For the Devil too can quote Scripture…

– American Proverb

Part II. The Bible and the Bathroom

Some may just call it a case of metaphorical coincidence, or a dirty sense of humor, but the Bible does seem to include a few key passages that refer directly to indoor plumbing in general and to the steel (iron) flusher in particular found attached to literally all 20th Century toilets. Did the Prophets know about the modern world or were they given direct access to the most advanced systems of waste disposal available 2,000 years ago? It’s hard to say, but even Angels, and perhaps the Holy Ghost, can sympathize with mere mortals who must still obey the call of nature in a proper, civilized manner and hopefully raise all of their children to do the same. Here are the pertinent Biblical passages:

Toilet Training and Biblical Prophecy

A Young Mother has a Baby Boy Destined to Lose his Diapers and become Properly Toilet-Trained
And she gave birth to a son, a male child, who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron; and her child was caught up to God and to His throne. (Revelation 12:5)

She will teach him to use his left hand to wipe himself, and then flush it all down into the sewer
AND HE SHALL RULE THEM WITH A ROD OF IRON, AS THE VESSELS OF THE POTTER ARE BROKEN TO PIECES, as I also have received authority from My Father. (Revelation 2:27)

Her Son may need Encouragement to Cure his Occasional Constipation
You will break them with a rod of iron; you will dash them to pieces like pottery. (Psalm 2:9)

Sometimes Vomiting and Diarrhea May Occur
And out of His mouth goeth a sharp sword with which He shall smite the nations, and He shall rule them with a rod of iron; and He treadeth the wine press of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. (Revelation 19:15)

Cursed be the Devil, cursed be me.

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5 Comments on “The Devil’s Bible, Part II.”

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