Archive for the ‘Judeo-=Christian’ category

The Devil’s Bible, Part IV.

December 17, 2010

The Devil too can quote Scripture…

An American Proverb

Align Center

THE BIBLE PASSAGE: So Boaz took Ruth (THE MOABITE WOMAN) and she became his wife. When he made love to her, the LORD enabled her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son…And they named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David. (Ruth 4:13-17)

Part II. The Prohibited, Criminal Roots of the House of David

THE CLAIM: The House of David, and Divine Right to be King, is, in fact, illegitimate and specifically prohibited by the Laws of Bible, as clearly written in the Torah.

THE PROOF: No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the LORD; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the LORD. No Ammonite or Moabite shall enter the assembly of the LORD; none of their descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall ever enter the assembly of the LORD, because they did not meet you with food and water on the way when you came out of Egypt, and because they hired against you Balaam the son of Beor from Pethor of Mesopotamia, to curse you. (Deuteronomy 23:2-4)

THE ILLEGAL LINEAGE OF DAVID: David’s Great-grandmother Ruth (Book of Ruth) was a female Moabite by descent, thus making David, her direct male descendant, a third-generation Moabite. This, in effect and by Torah law disqualifies him from ever being King of Israel, thereby excluding him permanently from the Congregation of the LORD God of Israel. (Ruth 4:9-22)

THE LAW OF GOD: No Ammonite or Moabite shall enter the assembly of the LORD; none of their descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall ever enter the assembly of the LORD, (Deuteronomy 23:3)

THE CONCLUSION: The Ruling House of David, who was a direct descendant of Ruth the Moabite, did illegally gain power over Israel and the Jews by breaking the laws of God and having no one stand up for them or protest that a half-breed Moabite like David should never have been king.. By law, the House of David traditionally cannot ‘ever enter into the Congregation of the LORD, even unto the tenth generation.’. Their rule and their their descendants rule over Israel is a prohibited crime that must be punished by their inevitable exclusion from power and permanent loss of membership in the Congregation of the LORD, in other words, eternal exile from Israel. This correct application of Torah law would then allow the ascension of a new Ruling House, the House of Joshua, with 100% Jewish and/or Israelite blood who are also Orthodox Jewish in terms of religion..

Cursed be the Devil, cursed be me…
Advertisements

The Devil’s Bible, Part III.

December 17, 2010

 

The Devil too can quote Scripture…

– American Proverb

The god of the sun meets the Only Son of God

THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW
TEMPTATION I. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil (Apollo). After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
TEMPTATION II. Then the Devil (Apollo) took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
TEMPTATION III. Again, the Devil (Apollo) took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the Devil (Apollo) left him, and angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:1-11)

INTERPRETATION OF BIBLICAL TERMINOLOGY
Jesus Christ = Rabbi Joshua ben Joseph the Messiah
The Devil = Apollo, the Greco-Roman sun god
The Holy City = Rome
Highest Point of the Temple = Gold-Plated Roof of Vatican City
Very High Mountain = Mount Olympus
All the Kingdoms of the World = The United Nations

I. The First Temptation
PROPOSAL: Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil (Apollo). After fasting forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to Him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” (Matthew 4:2-3)
INTERPRETATION: Lick my balls until they loosen up, then give me fellatio. Let’s see if you can even make me orgasm and ejaculate…
REFUSAL: Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:4)
INTERPRETATION: I’d rather starve to death than be a stupid cock-sucking faggot like you. I can already hear God’s voice warning me to kill you on sight.

II. The Second Temptation
PROPOSAL: Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” (Matthew 4:5-6)
INTERPRETATION: Lay down. Let me give you fellatio and see if you can even get it up. I won’t bite it off, I promise. Do you want to have anal sex with me with your big foot-long dong? I’ve got some lubricant right here.
REFUSAL: Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matthew 4:7)
INTERPRETATION: Even though you’re a wimp and a pussy who will probably end up as someone’s girl someday, I’d never touch you with a ten foot pole.

III. The Third Temptation
PROPOSAL: Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ‘All this I will give you,’ he said, ‘if you will bow down and worship me.’ (Matthew 4:8-9)
INTERPRETATION: Get down on your knees and let me have anal sex with you from behind, or suck my cock and then swallow my cum.
REFUSAL: Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” Then the Devil left him, and Angels came and attended him. (Matthew 4:10-11)
INTERPRETATION: You will trust in the perpetually flaccid, heterosexual penis of the LORD God alone. For He will never rape or seduce anyone at all. Only your degenerate father Zeus/Jupiter would ever do such of thing.

Cursed be the Devil, cursed be me.

The Devil’s Bible, Part II.

December 17, 2010

For the Devil too can quote Scripture…

– American Proverb

Part II. The Bible and the Bathroom

Some may just call it a case of metaphorical coincidence, or a dirty sense of humor, but the Bible does seem to include a few key passages that refer directly to indoor plumbing in general and to the steel (iron) flusher in particular found attached to literally all 20th Century toilets. Did the Prophets know about the modern world or were they given direct access to the most advanced systems of waste disposal available 2,000 years ago? It’s hard to say, but even Angels, and perhaps the Holy Ghost, can sympathize with mere mortals who must still obey the call of nature in a proper, civilized manner and hopefully raise all of their children to do the same. Here are the pertinent Biblical passages:

Toilet Training and Biblical Prophecy

A Young Mother has a Baby Boy Destined to Lose his Diapers and become Properly Toilet-Trained
And she gave birth to a son, a male child, who is to rule all the nations with a rod of iron; and her child was caught up to God and to His throne. (Revelation 12:5)

She will teach him to use his left hand to wipe himself, and then flush it all down into the sewer
AND HE SHALL RULE THEM WITH A ROD OF IRON, AS THE VESSELS OF THE POTTER ARE BROKEN TO PIECES, as I also have received authority from My Father. (Revelation 2:27)

Her Son may need Encouragement to Cure his Occasional Constipation
You will break them with a rod of iron; you will dash them to pieces like pottery. (Psalm 2:9)

Sometimes Vomiting and Diarrhea May Occur
And out of His mouth goeth a sharp sword with which He shall smite the nations, and He shall rule them with a rod of iron; and He treadeth the wine press of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. (Revelation 19:15)

Cursed be the Devil, cursed be me.